Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Plans in My Head, Better Left Unsaid.

So many of my plans over the years have failed. I have made a lot of them, but have only seen very few come to fruition. I think that most of this is because I lose the enthusiasm very quickly. Things get old, hard, or annoying and so I give up. Is this a bad thing? I am not sure. I think that some of my plans are probably not worth spending a lot of time on. I made a resolution to grow a beard in 2007, I called it "grow a beard 2007." That failed, but in my defense it was a little out of my control. Take today for example I went out and bought a couple Frisbee for frolf and went and played. It was a lot of fun. We then made this resolution to play it a lot this summer. But that most likely will not happen. All of these are trivial plans or resolutions. Some are more serious.
I have made countless resolutions over the years to do many important things also. I can not tell you how many time I have gone to a church retreat or event and made a resolution to read my Bible more and pray more. Or how many times after looking in the mirror have resolved myself to losing weight. These goals have also been some of my constant failures. Many reasons for this have been distractions. When I have tried to do these things other things seem to take precedent. When I have tried to get up early and read my Bible, sleep takes precedent. When I have tried to eat right, the wrong foods seem more appealing.
Spending the last two paragraphs writing about my failures is rather depressing and disheartening. Now I could make all kinds of new resolutions to do these things and then another resolution to keep all of my resolutions. But we all now know my track record when it comes to that, so I would probably fail again. The only comfort that I can find in all of this is that God loves me regardless. No matter what I do or in this case don't do, He loves me. I need to trust that He is working on me still. He has not given up, and said "well this is all that can be done with this one." Hes got plans for me, ideas, resolutions. And guess what, they are a lot better! Mine are often short sighted and self serving. I think that I need to stop making plans. When I make plans I am taking my future out of Gods hands. I am trying to do it my self. The only problem is know Gods plans for my life. It can sometimes be very hard to hear God's voice. At least for me. But that its a blog for another time. I am too tired to get into that. I need to finish this one off. All that I can say in closing is that I need to learn to let go.